Wyrd bið ful aræd!

Hello, just a small, pathetic journal update from some guy no one knows... and here I thought I had life all figured out. Keeping up with school work, hanging with friends one weekends, trying to keep it together with family issues here at home; you know, all the regular shit that most kids live with.

Fate leads us down whatever preset path was picked in the past; all outcomes of the present and your future life are decided upon events and decisions in the past. In reality, we can never truly change our destiny, only alter the path we take to get there. Sometimes that path is full of wonderful happy bunnies, other times it throws your life into complete and utter chaos, leaving you with no direction at all. That's where I am. I think. Again, if I were there I wouldn't know, would I? I have no direction.

The state of no direction I'm in doesn't mean I have to give up though, and it doesn't mean there's nothing left. It's some kind of sign - not from god, I don't believe in that - but from a greater power... or in this case just the power that makes up our destinies. What happens when you receive a sign? Who the hell knows, but if it's something bad, I would advise turning to a a friend or family member, or just someone you trust dearly, and talking about it. Fortunate for you if you have one, as for me, I don't know who to trust anymore. I'm already a paranoid, Dutch-Scorpio, and that doesn't help in the least bit. I think I'll just go hide in a hole.

As for the reason I'm feeling like this, well I can't and don't really want to tell you - after all, you just found out I have trust issues - but it's a reason that brings back the past. I can understand that reason and I respect the decision to the fullest, no matter how much it hurts inside. What has happened in the past will always be there for us to remember, or regret, or to think about how we could have made it better, how we could have not messed it up for ourselves, or those around us who care. I'm not attacking anyone individually, or trying to take a stance or revengeful point, just giving my views on the subject.

Hmmm... I guess that last paragraph was directed only at people who know my problem... sorry everyone for boring you with something you know nothing about. And no this is not a cry to reverse things; they are the way they are because that's how fate has brought them upon me and I would love to fix them, no matter what, but that's not up to me, that's up to the powers above... or below. Anyways, I will leave you with a great song that represents me right now. Kudos to those who live long and prosper! And to those who've experienced pain and suffering, congratulations, you've just experienced the meaning of life!

Everything happens for a reason, even if we don't know what that reason is.
The past is the past; you can go back, but you can never truly change things once they have occurred.

Because fate cannot be cheated, it governs us, and we are all its slaves.
KiRaShi Out.

Life by Our Lady Peace

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How many times have you been pushed around?
Was anybody there?
Does anybody care?
How many time have your friends let you down?
Was anybody there?
Did anybody stare?

How many time have your friends let you down?
Just open up your heart
Just open up your mind
How many times has your faith slipped away?
Well, is anybody safe?
Does anybody pray?

Oh, Life is waiting for you
So messed up, but we're alive
Oh, Life is waiting for you
So messed up, but we'll survive

How many days have you just slept away?
Is everybody high?
Is everyone afraid?
How many times have you wished you were strong?
Have they ever seen your heart?
Have they ever seen your pain?

Oh, Life is waiting for you
So messed up, but we're alive
Oh, Life is waiting for you
So messed up, but we'll survive

She gets high
She gets lost
She gets drowned by the cost
Twice a day, every week, not a lie

She gets high
She gets lost
She gets drowned by the cost
Twice a day, every week, not a lie

Oh, Life is waiting for you
So messed up, but we're alive
Oh, Life is waiting for you
So messed up, but we'll survive
All messed up, but we'll survive